Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

This is a difficult post for me to write because it deals with some very personal issues. 7 years ago I was an inpatient in a psychiatric facility for 11 days because of what we now know as bipolar disorder. This seriously traumatized me for quite a while, and there are still after effects. So I think part of my problem here is that in so many ways it resembles that hospital. The rooms are sterile and "safe", there are activities that they keep attendance at, you have no privacy (the door must remain open at all times), and there is usually someone shouting. You cannot go outside without an escort and then pretty much contained to a courtyard. They force you to get up according to their schedule, they make you get dressed even if you feel like having a pajama day, and you do not get to shower solo. The staff is about the same too- some really nice and some who talk to me as if I am intellectually challenged. I think this might be part of the reason I cannot sleep is that it makes me too anxious at night. I never want to experience what I did before ever again, and this is just a little bit too close for comfort.In fact, because of my Bipolar Disorder I will be seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist while I am here. Oh the fun. If only I could find peace from all of this and allow my mind to calm and my body to relax.