Posts
I know that it is not easy to read or talk about mental illness. I understand how it makes you feel all squirmy and uncomfortable inside and anything you say seems wrong. You sometimes even become afraid of the person before they do anything at all. I know this because that was me seven years ago. But now this is me - the same me but with a new vision and comprehension. This journey has changed me in so many ways and will continue to do so for quite a while. I have found many of the flaws, or disastrous potholes, in the current mental health system and I have coped with those who work with us but have no respect for us. Yet I can also say that I have been blessed by this experience, because I can now relate to those who are struggling. I can truly mean it when I say I understand. And I can use my little voice from nowhere to shout as loudly as I can the truth about mental illness. If I can stir one blade of grass then it will have been worth the journey.
After leaving the first mental health facility, I immediately had to stop taking two of my important medications due to Medicare refusing to pay for them. I have a whole speech on the government deciding what medication you can take instead of doctors but I will leave that for another day. Anyway, the loss of these two medicines caused me to fall. So I went to the local hospital that has a mental health floor. That was a disaster I will write about all on its own, but they changed every medication that we had worked 30 days to get balanced and then sent me home. I started a partial inpatient program at a private psychiatric hospital about 45 minutes away (the provide transportation which is how I can attend) but after starting on Friday and attending on Monday I ended up back in the emergency room with severe symptoms. This time I knew to ask for help even as I was trying to reach for the pill bottles. The local hospital wanted another turn with me since I was a resident of the county and they had a bed available but I refused to go to that unit. It took a court mandate, and the declaration of the manager of the unit for me to be able to return to the original hospital. I just got out after spending 9 days there starting all new medications. I was feeling so good yesterday about coming home, until just before the van came and I realized that my social worker had not followed through on providing my medications and I had prescriptions but no money to fill them. I ended up in tears of total anger (I hate that I cry when I am mad, it just makes me madder) and even admittedly crossed the line with my language. So I am home with no new meds, trying to wing it with the ones I received from the other two programs and praying that it is a good sign that she had them filled somewhere and will find a way for me to get them. I am so happy to be home, and will be restarting the partial inpatient program on Thursday since Monday is a holiday and I have to get a ride there on the first day.
I am so ready for this to just stabilize and to return to my normal life. My greatest fear in life has always been to lose control of my own mind, and this does that to me. It robs me of my total control and it makes me feel weak when I know I am strong. It tells me that I am not worthy of love when I know that loving is one of the things I do best. It steals from me the joy of a good day out of fear of how long it will last even though I know that life is in this moment. I want to just go back to being me again - well, me with the new insight and changes.
This, this is mental illness broken down to black on white, to a single story, to a timeline of a life, to a solitary experience. This is me - a daughter, a friend, a sister, an aunt, a teacher (well, former), a writer, a photographer, a dreamer, a world changer, a survivor, and an individual with mental illness.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Whatcha calling me?
I had already had a tentative diagnosis of bipolar disorder when I went to the psychiatric hospital based on a certain abnormal gene found associated with my mitochondrial disease. That I understood, Then the symptoms of psychosis were added in and I was like, whoa, are you calling me psychotic? The anxiety disorder I think came from being in the darn hospital. But I would like to explain my official diagnoses for those who do not know.
Bipolar disorders are marked by episodes of mania and depression, which may alternate although most patients have a predominance of one over the other. Bipolar disorders usually start in the teens, twenties, and thirties. The lifetime rate of Bipolar disorder is 4% of the population with both genders represented equally.
There are three types of Bipolar Disorder:
Bipolar I: The presence of one severe manic state and including usually depressive episodes
Bipolar II: The presence of major depressive episodes with one or more hypomanic episode (not complete manic)
Unspecified Bipolar Disorder: Disorders that clearly match features of Bipolar Disorder but not completely enough for diagnosis
Psychosis usually happens during the manic phase and can easily mimic schizophrenia
Treatment of Bipolar Disorder usually uses mood stabilizers and 2nd generation antipsychotics. Treatment generally has three phases
Acute: To stabilize the new symptoms
Continuation: To achieve remission
Maintenance: To keep the patient in remission
I fall under Bipolar I (oh the stories I could tell about a manic episode) with symptoms of psychosis because I was hearing voices (Damn Molly). The anxiety disorder I cannot really specify on because there are tons of disorders that come under that heading. My treatment for my Bipolar is both medication and therapy.
Yet if we met you would never know there was anything different about my brain than yours.I have learned to cover it well and unless really manic or really depressed can act normally.
Bipolar disorders are marked by episodes of mania and depression, which may alternate although most patients have a predominance of one over the other. Bipolar disorders usually start in the teens, twenties, and thirties. The lifetime rate of Bipolar disorder is 4% of the population with both genders represented equally.
There are three types of Bipolar Disorder:
Bipolar I: The presence of one severe manic state and including usually depressive episodes
Bipolar II: The presence of major depressive episodes with one or more hypomanic episode (not complete manic)
Unspecified Bipolar Disorder: Disorders that clearly match features of Bipolar Disorder but not completely enough for diagnosis
Psychosis usually happens during the manic phase and can easily mimic schizophrenia
Treatment of Bipolar Disorder usually uses mood stabilizers and 2nd generation antipsychotics. Treatment generally has three phases
Acute: To stabilize the new symptoms
Continuation: To achieve remission
Maintenance: To keep the patient in remission
I fall under Bipolar I (oh the stories I could tell about a manic episode) with symptoms of psychosis because I was hearing voices (Damn Molly). The anxiety disorder I cannot really specify on because there are tons of disorders that come under that heading. My treatment for my Bipolar is both medication and therapy.
Yet if we met you would never know there was anything different about my brain than yours.I have learned to cover it well and unless really manic or really depressed can act normally.
Just the Facts
Before I continued I wanted to post some facts on mental illness that I found online to help support education and acceptance.
* MYTH: Mental Health does not affect me
FACTS (from 2014): 1 in 5 adults experience a mental health illness in their lifetime
1 in 10 young people experienced a period of major depression
1 in 25 Americans live with a serious mental illness
Suicide is the tenth most common cause of death.
MYTH: Children do not experience mental health issues.
FACTS: Even very young children can show early warning signs of mental illness
Half of all mental illnesses show first signs before the age of 14
Three Quarters of mental disorders begin before age 24
MYTH: People with Mental Health problems are violent and unpredictable
FACTS: Only 3-5% of violent crimes can be linked to someone with a serious mental illness
People with serious mental health issues are 10x more likely to be a victim of violent crime than thee common population
MYTH: People with mental health illnesses, even whe receiving proper treatment, cannot handle the stress of a job.
FACTS: Employers who hire people with mental health issues report good punctuality, attendance, motivation, good work, and job tenure equal to or greater than their neurotypical peers
.
MYTH: Personality weakness or personality flaws cause mental illness. A person with a mental illness can just snap out of it if they try.
FACTS: Many factors contribute to mental health including
Biological factors (genes, injuries, illness, etc)
Life Experience (Like a history of trauma or abuse)
Family history of mental health problems
People with mental health issues can get better and even recover completely
MYTH: There is no hope for people with mental health issues and they will never recover
FACTS: Studies show that people with mental health issues get better and many recover.
MYTH: Therapy and self help are a waste of time. Just take medicine.
FACTS: The individual treatment plan for someone with a mental health illness may include medication, therapy or both.
MYTH: I can't do something for a person with a mental health need.
FACTS: Only 44% of adults and 20% of youth with diagnosable mental heath issues receive the treatment they need. In this case, a good support system can be vital.
MYTH: Prevention does not help. It is impossible to prevent a mental illness.
FACTS: By promoting the social-emotional well being of youth outcomes include
Higher overall productivity
Better educational outcomes
Lower crime rate
Improved quality of life
US Department of Health and Human Services, Mental Health.gov
* MYTH: Mental Health does not affect me
FACTS (from 2014): 1 in 5 adults experience a mental health illness in their lifetime
1 in 10 young people experienced a period of major depression
1 in 25 Americans live with a serious mental illness
Suicide is the tenth most common cause of death.
MYTH: Children do not experience mental health issues.
FACTS: Even very young children can show early warning signs of mental illness
Half of all mental illnesses show first signs before the age of 14
Three Quarters of mental disorders begin before age 24
MYTH: People with Mental Health problems are violent and unpredictable
FACTS: Only 3-5% of violent crimes can be linked to someone with a serious mental illness
People with serious mental health issues are 10x more likely to be a victim of violent crime than thee common population
MYTH: People with mental health illnesses, even whe receiving proper treatment, cannot handle the stress of a job.
FACTS: Employers who hire people with mental health issues report good punctuality, attendance, motivation, good work, and job tenure equal to or greater than their neurotypical peers
.
MYTH: Personality weakness or personality flaws cause mental illness. A person with a mental illness can just snap out of it if they try.
FACTS: Many factors contribute to mental health including
Biological factors (genes, injuries, illness, etc)
Life Experience (Like a history of trauma or abuse)
Family history of mental health problems
People with mental health issues can get better and even recover completely
MYTH: There is no hope for people with mental health issues and they will never recover
FACTS: Studies show that people with mental health issues get better and many recover.
MYTH: Therapy and self help are a waste of time. Just take medicine.
FACTS: The individual treatment plan for someone with a mental health illness may include medication, therapy or both.
MYTH: I can't do something for a person with a mental health need.
FACTS: Only 44% of adults and 20% of youth with diagnosable mental heath issues receive the treatment they need. In this case, a good support system can be vital.
MYTH: Prevention does not help. It is impossible to prevent a mental illness.
FACTS: By promoting the social-emotional well being of youth outcomes include
Higher overall productivity
Better educational outcomes
Lower crime rate
Improved quality of life
US Department of Health and Human Services, Mental Health.gov
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
